Why I cried:  the season 9 premiere gives us not one, not two but the three heaviest players in Biggest Loser history.  The 11 couples are also the sickest bunch to date.   At this rate, we’re bound to see a 600 lbs player on Season 10.

MEET THE TEAMS

Bob and Jillian phone each team at home to tell them they’ve made the cut for Season 9!  Team colors are selected for each pair, then the trainers throw the first curve.   The teams have to do the first weigh in before their family and friends, in public!  I am personally horrified.  It takes a lot of courage to strip down in front of EVERYONE you know.  I don’t even like getting on the scale in front of myself!

More info on Red, Pink, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Purple, Brown, Black, Gray and White Teams.

Starting weights:

• Cheryl (Mother), 247 lbs
• Daris (Son), 346 lbs
• Patti (Mother), 243 lbs
  
• Stephanie (Daughter), 264 lbs
• John (Identical Twin), 484 lbs
  
• James (Identical Twin), 485 lbs
• Sherry (Mother), 218 lbs
  
• Ashley (Daughter), 374 lbs
• Darrell (Father), 419 lbs
• Andrea “Drea” (Daughter), 238 lbs
• Cherita (Mother), 277 lbs
  
• Victoria (Daughter), 358 lbs
• Miggy (Mother), 240 lbs
  
• Migdalia (Daughter), 265 lbs
• Melissa (Wife), 233 lbs
  
• Lance (Husband), 365 lbs
• Koli (Cousin), 403 lbs
  
• Sam (Cousin), 372 lbs
• O’Neal (Father), 389 lbs
• Sunshine (Daughter), 275 lbs
• Maria (Mother – White Team), 281 lbs
  
• Michael (Son – White Team), 526 lbs

Speculation that the one of the “Half-Ton” twins was the heaviest player – completely shattered by 40 lbs!  Mamma Mia Michael!  The son of Chicago’s Italian-American duo takes the top honor.

CHALLENGE

The players arrive at the ranch to meet Alison.  (”Smoking hot!” according to Lance.  Who said it in front of his wife!  Oh Lance.  But he’s right, Alison looked fantastic!)  Hugs all around, then Alison brings the contestants up to the gym.  All the equipment is gone!  We know it’s the first of many season surprises.   Alison reveals 22 stationary bikes and announces the first challenge – 26.2 miles on the bike.  Immunity’s at stake, with another twist…the bottom two teams must leave the ranch immediately.   Without even meeting the trainers?!

No product placement yet, another surprise and probably a Biggest Loser first.   The teams hop on the bikes and the feet start flying.  Green Team mother Miggy gets out in front and never lets up.   She is fiercely determined to stay on the ranch.  The Gray Team cousins are a close second.  Neither Koli or Sam can believe how quickly Miggy is cycling.  Everyone’s covered in sweat as Miggy and Migdalia are first to 13 miles.  They rocket all the way to the finish, guaranteeing themselves immunity.   Gray Team finishes second.

The other teams roll through the finish, one by one.   Blue Team mom Cherita suffers extreme stomach pain forcing Dr. H to take her off the bike.  This leaves daughter Victoria biking alone against the other two remaining teams, Yellow and Purple.  The mother/daughter team of Patti and Stephanie squeak out ahead, assuring the Purple Team will stay on the ranch another week.

Blue and Yellow are going home.  Cherita and Victoria knew it would be an uphill battle with mom’s injury, but O’Neal and daughter Sunshine are devasted!   Good thing the limos stuck around.  The two teams load up and prepare to go home, but surprise!  Ninja Jillian and Bob leap out of the bushes.   The teams go home for 30 days.  Yellow gets Bob, Blue gets Jillian – the team losing the highest percentage returns to the ranch.

TRAINER TIP

Bob and Jillian show how easy it is to exercise as a team.  They demonstrate various strength exercises, including plank/leg lifts and toe-to-toe situps with a weighted ball.

FIRST WORKOUT WITH TRAINERS – FI-YYAAAAAAA!

Bob and Jillian pull the fire alarm to get the players out of bed and to the gym.  What a rough wake up call, especially on the first day of certain pain.  As they meet the players and Michael nearly squashes Jillian, the trainers point out the obvious.  The players get bigger and bigger each season.   Bob and Jillian are training together again this season.  Pain, puke, snot and tears commence before the trainers even get ramped up!   Cheryl quickly becomes the gym standout, pounding the mat, screaming like a bad ass with each push.   Everyone’s impressed.  As Jillian says “Somebody wound up the mama and let her spin!”

Wow, first product placement comes 55 minutes in – double Brita and WalMart whammy.

AROUND THE CAMPFIRE

As the first week on campus draws to a close, the contestants tell each other how they gained the weight.  While the specifics differ, the stories sound oddly similar.   Heartbreaking to discover that most of the kids in the parent/child teams have never been in love or even kissed.  Maybe we’ll get more love connections at the ranch this season!  Maria is stuck in the sandwich generation, caring for elderly relatives and raising her kids.  She has little time for herself, another common theme, especially with the mothers.  Koli and Sam saw themselves in Season 7’s Tongan cousins Filipe and Sione.  Koli cried during the makeover episode when he saw Sione’s wife meet him on stage.  He is desperate for love and acceptance.  Migdalia’s husband may be deployed to Iraq again; she’s all her kids have and she’s in terrible health.

LAST CHANCE WORKOUT

Last Chance Workout?  Did someone say Last Chance Workout?! We got another 30 Day Challenge going on…details here.

Back on the ranch, Jillian smirks, “Welcome to the Biggest Loser gym -  family fun for all!”  The contestants get down to business.  Bob reminds them all to input all of their calories and exercise into their bodybugg every day.  Melissa says there’s a lot at stake in the Last Chance Workout.  Patti knows she’s put in the effort but worries that it won’t be enough.   Bob has the twins walking the pool to compensate for their limited mobility, especially James.  He and John are worried about the competition.  As Jillian reminds us,  every day is the Last Chance Workout at the ranch.  You don’t want to end up there, because it’s the last stop, end of the road.

FIRST WEIGH IN

Alison shows off the Biggest Loser scales and reviews the weigh in rules – team that loses the lowest percentage of weight falls below the yellow line.  The rest of the teams will choose which player goes home.

Green Team has immunity, thanks to Miggy’s cycling prowess.

• Miggy, 13 lbs
• Migdalia, 16 lbs
• Koli, 29 lbs
• Sam, 18 lbs
• Daris, 29 lbs
• Cheryl,  14 lbs
• Darrell, 30 lbs
• Drea, 14 lbs
• James, 23 lbs
• John, 23 lbs
• Melissa, 19 lbs
• Lance, 21 lbs
• Patti, 23 lbs (highest % of any female competitor 1st week on ranch)
• Stephanie, 16 lbs
• Ashley, 17 lbs
• Sherry, 21 lbs
• Maria, 13 lbs
• Michael, 34 lbs (most amount lost by any contestant 1st week on ranch)

Holy crap! Michael gets out of the 500s, yelling “are my abs showing?”  Purple Team has the highest percentage of weight loss at 8.09, carried over the top by Patti’s stunning individual loss of 9.4%.  Brown Team falls below the yellow line with a combined percentage of 4.75.  They look alike, weigh almost the same and each lost 23 lbs.  I can’t even tell them apart.  Now the rest of the teams have to send one of the twins home?!

ELIMINATION

Each of the twins argues that the other should remain at the ranch.  Ultimately for the rest of the teams, it comes down to which twin has the time and ability to do it at home.  They choose James.

HOW THE ELIMINATED PLAYER LOOKS NOW

James vows to win the at home prize.   He says that John doesn’t understand what a gift this elimination was for both of them.   Then he says we’ll finally be able to tell the twins apart because he’ll be the more handsome, skinnier twin.   Boy did he make good on that promising, losing 100 lbs in 2 months!  Imagine what John will do at the ranch.

NEXT WEEK

A wild first week!  A total of 5 players sent home.  Public weigh ins before the players even got to the ranch.  Season 8’s Abby Rike blogs this week about the courage it takes to get real with yourself (apparently something that Season 3’s winner – or whiner – Erik Chopin hasn’t mastered yet).  The stakes remain high, while the yellow line stays low.

Coming up…the dreaded week 2 curse.  Which didn’t turn out so bad last season.  Just saying!